Seated on a couch outside, I laid my heart bare before my friend as I sobbed. I was hurt. In that moment of our friendship, it felt as if she could only find ways to pick me apart. Though I opened myself with sincerity, I expected her to respond with indifference or excuses, shrugging off her words and actions as if they carried no weight. Her response, however, sweetly surprised me.

Of course—it was only a dream, but it was profound nonetheless. With a heart that seemed to understand my ache and a countenance that reflected the compassion of the Lord, my friend tenderly spoke, “It’s all about compassion.” I then woke up from the dream.

Through the years, I have pondered that dream time and time again. I have slowly come to realize that compassion is what helps keep the heart clean. Extending compassion before taking up hurt or offense allows us to step into another’s shoes. Compassion doesn’t seek revenge or even justification. It seeks healing—healing for the heart. True compassion moves you to pray for the one who has spoken or acted against you. For it is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks (Luke 6:45). If the mouth speaks wounding words, it’s a wounded heart that needs healing.

Lord, have mercy! Lately, I’ve also been increasingly gripped by the reality that one day I will be held accountable for my every word (Matthew 12:36). Having been on the receiving end of harsh tones and sharp words from sincere Christians, I tend to be careful with my own, sometimes to a fault (not speaking up when I should). Still, carefulness doesn’t translate to perfect speech. Only God knows how many times I’ve repented and sought forgiveness from my husband, my children, and others.

As an honest side note, I have three children ages 3, 2, and 4 months. One of my battles right now is learning not using harsh tones (aka raising my voice) when my 3- and 2-year-olds seem to, quite literally, make a sport of testing my patience. I know I’m not alone in this, so I’d like to share a scripture I am holding onto: “By mercy and lovingkindness and truth [not superficial ritual] wickedness is cleansed from the heart, And by the fear of the LORD one avoids evil” (Proverbs 16:6 AMP). Harshly raising my voice is not going to help my children know the Lord, so I am repenting as often as I need to and asking the Lord to help me rewire my mind.

Let’s continue with mercy. It’s true that punishment isn’t our portion as children of God—but a good Father still holds His children accountable for their words and actions. Scripture says that those who show mercy will be shown mercy (Matthew 5:7), and that the measure we use toward others will be the measure used toward us (Matthew 7:2).

I’m honestly not sure how it will all unfold when we stand before Jesus. Perhaps He will reward us for the times we extended mercy and withhold reward for the times we didn’t. I’m not sure, but Scripture does make one thing clear: we will give an account (Romans 14:12; 1 Corinthians 3:10–17; 2 Corinthians 5:10).

Reward or no reward, that alone is enough motivation to guard my heart and mouth. So, may true repentance give way to mercy. Rather than asking the Lord to justify or defend me when I am wronged, I ask Him for mercy—mercy for myself and for those whose tongues have spoken harshly toward me.

On that day when I stand before the Lord, may He not remember their ill–spoken words, and may He not remember mine. I’m not sure if that’s how it works, but when I look Jesus in the eyes, I want to be able to say with confidence that I loved Him with everything I had, and that I sincerely loved those He died for—which is everyone.

In light of this, one of my biggest prayers, especially as a mother who is shaping souls, has recently become Psalm 141:3:

“Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips.”